In early April of 1965 I arrived in Montreal and took up my post at the Ayerst labs. I was a chemist, working with Dr. John Bagli to synthesize prostaglandin and its analogs. John was an Indian of the Zoroastrian Faith and a brilliant chemist. There were many new immigrants from Eastern Europe working at Ayerst. Two researchers were from India; Sumanas Rakshit, a Bengali; and Kartar Singh, of the Sikh Faith. With the help of these and other colleagues, especially Dr. Humber, in a week’s time after my arrival I had secured a nice newly built two-bedroom apartment with an indoor swimming pool an underground parking lot for a monthly rent of $175. This was in Cote Vertu, within five miles of the lab. Between my apartment and the lab was a shopping center with banks, restaurants, and grocery shops.

I got my shipment from the movers who had picked them up in Toronto and stored them in Montreal while I was away in India. I was pleasantly surprised when Dr. Romano Deghenghi, head of the chemistry department, reimbursed in full the moving charges which included the storage fee, though it was not a part of the initial agreement. Right from the start he had a liking for me, and even more so when he realized that I was the only one who reported the actual expenses to him on my travel expense reimbursement forms.

I began my work earnestly and settled comfortably in my new apartment. I got used to the new culture of this beautiful city on the St. Laurence River. It is a city entirely different from any of the other North American cities I have known, with its distinct blend of European and American culture. The downtown was literally divided in half by Sherbrook St. into French and English sectors. Neither the Anglos nor the French speakers ventured to cross the divide for doing business. The French were all Roman Catholics while the English were both Catholics and Protestants. Construction was in high gear around the clock to finishnew highways and the first-ever underground metro system for the Montreal world’s fair, called Expo 67. I visited the Baha’i shrine on Pine St. in downtown Montreal as often as I could.

My first encounter with Nana

I was told by two lab co-workers that it was a custom for every new recruit to take some of the close lab colleagues for a dinner outing and a tavern/pub hopping night to celebrate his joining the lab. (Later on I realized that this was not true and that they were playing a joke on me.) These two bachelors, Tibor and George, were both immigrants from Eastern Europe. I told them that since I do not drink it may be more enjoyable if they come to my apartment for an Indian dinner and then go out to the pubs to complete the evening. Dr. Bagli, my immediate boss, was not available so I invited Romano Deghenghi to join us, to which he gladly agreed. I cooked a curried chicken dish with a rice pilaf and vermicelli payasam, an Indian dessert. Then we drove into the city, each in his own vehicle.

Around midnight, after hopping two pubs where I consumed soft drinks, we came to a third pub with Tyrolean music and dancing. The pub was full and people were enjoying the evening. I had ginger ale while my friends were enjoying their favorite drinks. Romano challenged me teasingly if I was man enough to ask for a dance with one of the girls sitting next to our table. I took the challenge and reached out to the good-looking girl with an upright posture. She was smoking. (That was Michelle, your Nana-to-be). I asked her to dance and she consented without any hesitance. She had just finished her evening shift at the hospital and was out for a relaxed evening with her co-worker and girlfriend Jocelyne.

As we started dancing we both realized that we were not used to that kind of place, and that kind of dancing. This was particularly true for me. The first question I asked Nana, after we were introduced, was, “How is it that a beautiful girl like you is smoking?” Her answer was a gentle blush. I later realized that she was also a non-smoker and did so only to keep in line with the environment.

The rest of the conversation, after we joined the others, was about our professions. She was a children’s nurse working on evening shift at Misericorde Hospital. She was a French Canadian girl who could not speak much English, and she could barely understand my English because of my accent. Her friend Jocelyne did the translation. After an hour or so I offered to give her ride back to her place while Tibor gave a ride to Jocelyne. There was a problem with the latch on my passenger side door and I cautioned Nana about this so that she did not begin doubting my motives and get nervous. I got out of the car and opened her door from the outside. She said that she was going on vacation soon and we agreed to meet again once she got back. We exchanged telephone numbers, and said goodbye. I remember well that day was June 23rd 1965, the day before St. John Baptiste day.

To my pleasant surprise, a week or so later I got a picture post card from her vacation spot. On her coming back we met again in late July and I took her for a dinner at Altitude 747 restaurant. There was not much of any conversation as she was very shy and kept constantly looking at the dinner plate.

Then came the crucial and significant evening of August 10th. I had booked a date with Nana for a concert of Beethoven’s Emperor Concerto with Zubin Mehta conducting and Arthur Rubinstein as the soloist at the Place Des Arts. But in the month of July, I became a Baha’i and there was an arrangement for me to meet for a half hour with the local Baha’i Assembly in Outremont, not far from the concert hall, to be officially enrolled in the Baha’i Faith. This was slated to happen the same evening of the concert that I was eagerly looking forward to attending with Nana. I did not know how to negotiate the dilemma. I boldly took her to the concert which began at 7:00pm and when the intermission came at 8:15pm I told Michelle that I had an important half-hour meeting which I could not miss. I suggested that she stay and finish the concert program. Not being too sure of what was going on, she decided to come with me to the meeting in Outremont.

She waited patiently in the living room as I was accepted as a Baha’i in the next room by the Assembly. Then came a surprising welcoming cake and we all moved into the main living room where Nana was sitting. Then one Mr. Patrick LA Pierre, a French Canadian member of the Assembly explained to Nana as to what all was happening that evening and about the Baha’i Faith. This was her first introduction of the Faith.

We met only two or three times during the rest of that year. I invited her to dinner at my apartment and she, for the first time, took the subway train from the Queen Elizabeth Hotel in downtown Montreal to Cote Vertu station in Ville St. Laurent. Though I had given specific directions to my apartment building from the subway station, which was only a ten minute walk, she did not know whether to turn right or left on Cote Vertu. Not to be late, she took a taxi to my place. I kept my apartment immaculately clean and furnished with Scandinavian furniture. It seems that she was impressed during this first visit to see that the apartment was quite nice in spite of being maintained by a bachelor. Again I cooked a chicken curry with rice; she later told me that the meat was only half cooked.

Then came my visit to her parents’ home in Chambly, a town about forty miles from Ville St. Laurent. This is where Nana grew up until she went to nursing school in Montreal. Nana introduced me to her parents Mr. Alcide and Mme. Guerard and her three sisters Monique, Joanne, and Jinette. Except for her father, who spoke conversational English, the others were unilingual. They were exceptionally loving and kind and also curious about me as I was the first-ever foreigner in their home. I had the occasion to meet her two married brothers, Serge and Gilles, who were also living in the neighborhood during my later visits there.

The following year, in August 1966, Nana secured a position with the Canadian Aid Office to work at Bab Sadon pediatric hospital in Tunisia. I was there to see her off at the airport with her family; she looked like an angel immaculately dressed for her first-ever overseas trip.

There was not much communication between us during that time except for a few post cards from vacation spots in Europe. I invited her to come to Montreal for a short vacation to see Expo 67, but she had plans to go to London to learn more English. As it turned out she was hosted by a French family during her stay in London which kind of defeated the main purpose, though she went for a month at Berlitz Language School.

During the time Nana was away in Tunisia, I kept myself busy with work. I also read more intensely about the Faith I had recently embraced and attended the Baha’i summer school in Davis, Michigan. That  summer of 1967 I attended the week-long Baha’i Summer School at Green Acre, in Maine. This was an historic place where many theological and religious meetings were held. Swami Vivekananda had lectured here. Abdu’l-Baha stayed here during his North American tour in 1912. I attended one of the most memorable classes in my Baha’i life, on “The Dynamics of Teaching the Baha’i Faith” taught by Mr. Glenford Mitchell, a Baha’i of Jamaican origin. Shoghi Effendi’s letters to the American Baha’is, compiled in the book “Advent of Divine Justice,” was his main resource. His presentation was an eye-opener for me on several fronts. I realized that I have not just changed my religion but have made a serious commitment to modify my own character so as to conform to the Baha’i standards.

The take home message from his presentation was clear from the following excerpts from the writings of Shoghi Effendi.

“Such a chaste and holy life, with its implications of modesty, purity, temperance, decency, and clean-mindedness, involves no less than the exercise of moderation in all that pertains to dress, language, amusements, and all artistic and literary avocations. It demands daily vigilance in the control of one’s carnal desires and corrupt inclinations. It calls for the abandonment of a frivolous conduct, with its excessive attachment to trivial and often misdirected pleasures. It requires total abstinence from all alcoholic drinks, from opium, and from similar habit-forming drugs. It condemns the prostitution of art and of literature, the practices of nudism and of companionate marriage, infidelity in marital relationships, and all manner of promiscuity, of easy familiarity, and of sexual vices. It can tolerate no compromise with the theories, the standards, the habits, and the excesses of a decadent age. Nay rather it seeks to demonstrate, through the dynamic force of its example, the pernicious character of such theories, the falsity of such standards, the hollowness of such claims, the perversity of such habits, and the sacrilegious character of such excesses.

“Not by the force of numbers, not by the mere exposition of a set of new and noble principles, not by an organized campaign of teaching — no matter how worldwide and elaborate in its character — not even by the staunchness of our faith or the exaltation of our enthusiasm, can we ultimately hope to vindicate in the eyes of a critical and sceptical age the supreme claim of the Abhá Revelation. One thing and only one thing will unfailingly and alone secure the undoubted triumph of this sacred Cause, namely, the extent to which our own inner life and private character mirror forth in their manifold aspects the splendor of those eternal principles proclaimed by Bahá’u’lláh.”

The comfort was that this inner transformation will come only slowly and this needs conscious effort.

Though I met and got to know several Baha’i and non-Baha’i girls, none of them interested me as far as marriage was concerned. I began researching and gathering data to write my first article on the Baha’i Faith, “My quest for the Fulfilment of Hinduism”. This was published in the Baha’i World Order magazine in 1968. I sent a reprint of this article to my father, whose hobby was reading, so that he could know firsthand my reasoning for why I became a Baha’i.

During this same period I realized that my grand old Buick which I bought in Madison in 1962 was getting very rusty and had gone over 200 thousand miles. I bought a new four door car, a metallic beige Oldsmobile Cutlass, which cost me a little over $3000 and for which I paid cash! I had my regular annual increase in my salary and the Christmas bonus that year.

Nana’s Surprise Call

When Nana returned in March 1968, I got a surprise phone call from her home in Chambly. I inquired if we could meet that evening or in the coming days. She was willing to see me that evening, and I was there in the next forty minutes. The trip to Chambly usually took one hour. We met occasionally during the following months. During that time I mentioned to her specifically the Baha’i stand on premarital sex and alcohol consumption, and that my dating her will not involve such practices which were prevelant in the society.

Nana starting working in private homes taking care of newborn babies for wealthy families. After a few months she moved into a one-bedroom apartment on Moreau Street in Montreal and got a job at St-Luc hospital where she worked until our marriage. She bought an English/French dictionary, to improve her English vocabulary and help her speak the English language more precisely when we talked over the phone.

We met several times and I found myself falling in love with her. She was more self-assured and self-confident since she coming out of the cloistered environment she was living in to face the greater world, just as I did from my Brahmin community when I got out of India in 1960. An inner voice told me that I cannot go wrong with this girl, a good Christian with a loving family, who is in the healing profession. She had an ineffable charm of her own which was hard to describe in words. As long as we each kept true to the core values of our own religion there should be no major problem. I loved her for what she was, unconditionally, whether she ever was a Baha’i or not.

I proposed to her one evening in May of 1968, not in the traditional way with a ring and kneeling down, but sitting in the car in a park overlooking the lights of downtown Montreal. I don’t remember if she was surprised or if she was quite thrilled. At the same time I cautioned that I have to get permission to get married from all the four parents, which is a requirement of the Baha’i laws. Before long I sought permission from Nana’s parents first. I invited her and her parents to my place and after a simple dinner I expressed my desire to marry their daughter and asked for permission. They were quite surprised as nobody asked that question anymore. I had to explain the reason why I had asked. Nana translated this to her mother as she did not understand English. Mr. and Ms. Guerard were very supportive. He said that the “world is big and belongs to everybody.” I told them of my belief in Christ and that the Baha’i Faith fully endorses the prophets of all religions.

I briefed her father about the difficulties I am bound to have in getting my parent’s consent. There was 3000 years of tradition and belief, a big cultural factor in this interracial marriage, and I warned that we have to be very patient on this issue. He thought it was more of a formality and that would be resolved very soon. I told Nana that it may not be easy to get consent from my parents, but I assured her that if we two are strong and united in our aim, and if we are be patient and prayerful, God will surely open doors. Then, relying completely on God, I wrote a detailed letter to my parents about my desire and commitment to marry Nana. My father was silent and did not respond to this letter immediately. But he wrote later, “Pattabi, you became a Baha’i and changed your religion without our permission. Now it is very strange that you ask our permission for your marriage.” But I was determined not to give up.  But I was determined not to give up. The Baha’i laws give the parents every right to withhold consent for the marriage. One may disagree with the parent’s decision but cannot disobey them or circumvent the law. But one can appeal to them to change their minds, with patience and perseverance.

Palermo Baha’i Conference and First Teaching Trip

In June my first research project in the lab came to an end when our competitors succeeded in synthesizing the hormone prostaglandin. I had completed my part in the team’s work with merits. I contemplated on going to the first Baha’i International Conference in Italy in August of that year. Pan Am still offered the open round-the-world ticket for only $999. I approached Dr. Deghenghi with my plans to go to the conference and then to go around the world to teach the Baha’i Faith in various communities. With a straight face I asked for a three-month leave of absence without pay. He was astounded by this bold request, and after hearing my passionate desire to serve my Faith that was so close to my heart, he was persuaded. He himself was a devoted Catholic, so he understood the zeal and passion of the adherents of any Faith.

We agreed on an arrangement that would enable me to make the trip on one strict condition; I will return to the lab exactly three months from the date of departure. He was generous enough to give me two weeks of paid annul leave plus a leave of absence for only ten weeks without pay for which I was very grateful. This was only a hand shake agreement with no written guarantees. I told Nana of this trip, which will include India and also promised her to directly request my parents’ consent for the wedding.

In order to avoid paying so much rent during my absence from Montreal, I rented a small one-bedroom apartment a few blocks away from where I lived. The manager agreed that while I am away my friends could come for short stays and to look after my things. I left my car with Nana’s father in Chambly. Mr. Ron and Shala Stee, a young Baha’i couple whom Nana had known earlier, agreed to keep in touch with her during my absence.

I thoroughly enjoyed the Palermo conference. For the first time, I saw a large gathering of Baha’is from all over the world, over 3000 people in this case. The Baha’is at the conference were also allowed to come for a three day mini-pilgrimage to the Holy Land, which I gladly did and enjoyed the beauty of the shrines on Mount Carmel and at Bahji. It was a sort of spiritual tranquilizer for me. At the Palermo Conference I met Mr. Shah from India whom I had seen earlier in 1963 when I visited the Baha’i Center in Delhi. I also met with the Baha’i teaching committees from India, Persia, Malaysia,Thailand, The Philippines, and Japan. I offered them my services for teaching the Faith in their countries as I was planning to visit each of them on my way back to Montreal. I shared with them a letter of introduction from the National Spiritual Assembly of Canada supporting my teaching offer.

From Palermo I went to Tehran, in Iran, where the Baha’i Faith was born and visited among other places, the prison where the Baha’u’llah was held. A loving Baha’i family in Tehran, whom I had met in Palermo, gave hospitality in their home and took me to places of interest.

I traveled on to New Delhi, where I was with my parents for two weeks. I gave them a detailed account of meeting your Nana, my love for her, and my determination to marry her. I assured them that I will pursue an abstinant lifestyle until I get married. My mother almost broke down and my sister Lalitha had a temper tantrum. Frustratingly, there was no reaction to this direct request.

Now I began my three-week teaching tour of India. My first trip was to Gwalior by an overnight train. I was received at the station at midnight by a group of Baha’is which included a bright and energetic Tamil-speaking Baha’i, Vasudevan Nair, a pioneer to India from Malaysia. I was hosted by the Bowman family who owned a very popular bakery. They were early Baha’i pioneers to India and were Zoroastrians before they embraced the Baha’i Faith. They had also established a Baha’i School in Gwalior.

Accompanied by a Punjabi speaking Baha’i I took a bus trip to Chandigar, a warm and loving community of Baha’is who were from the Islamic, Sikh, and Hindu Faiths. I have never seen such a degree of unity between members of these faiths outside of the Baha’i Community. In Nagpur I visited the Patwardan High School where I had studied, and visited the house in Chota Dantoli where we lived. They looked the same. In Hyderabad I presented a talk on the Faith to the faculty and students at the Osmania Moslem University and they were quite intrigued to know how a Hindu Brahmin has accepted Muhammad as a Prophet of God.

I traveled on to Hyderabad, where I found that Swami Ranganadananda, was then the head of the local Ramakrishna Mission Center. It was his lectures on Gita that I had regularly attended with my father while I was studying at the University of Delhi. I requested an appointment with him saying that I have come from the USA on a short trip to India and was eager to meet him. He gladly consented, and although he was in bed with a cold, we had a very pleasant conversation. I thanked him for his brilliant lectures on Gita, and more specifically acknowledged how these lectures had subconsciously evoked my own quest for spiritual development, which had led me to accept the Baha’i Faith. Before departing I reverently and politely gave him a copy of my pamphlet “My Quest for the Fulfillment of Hinduism.” He perused it for a minute and requested his secretary to put in the library.

In Chennai, the town of my birth, I was thrilled to meet with the Baha’is at the Baha’i Center located not too far from the home where I lived. I met with the Headmaster of the high school I attended and he was so happy to receive an ex-student coming from the USA. He gladly agreed to have me give a short presentation on the Faith the next day after the usual morning prayer. I was careful not to overwhelm the young minds. I cracked some jokes about my teachers, recalling their nick-names, which evoked a bellyful of laughter in both the teachers and students. I began my talk by relating my own feelings when I listened to guest speakers as I sat like them in the same hall for the morning prayers. I switched to the traditional Hindu mythological beliefs of the appearance of Avatars who come from age to age to re-establish righteousness in the world. By shaking their heads as usual, it appeared that they could relate to this concept very easily. Then I expressed my opinion and conviction that Kalki, the expected tenth Avatar in the Hindu tradition, had appeared as Baha’u’llah, which, I explained, means “the Glory of God.” But this time, the Avatar came not in India, but in Persia. I told them not to believe me,  but to independently investigate my claim when they grew older. That same afternoon I also spoke to the girls’ high school on one of the cardinal Baha’i principles — the equality of sexes.

My maternal aunt Savitri, who lived in a town in Kerala called Perambavoor, came to Chennai on an errand and stayed with us for few days. She was thrilled to see me as we had not seen each other for almost fifteen years, though she had closely followed my educational life in Calcutta and my move to North America. Late one evening after dinner, we chatted for almost an hour during which she talked about the happenings in their family life and I gave a brief account of my life since leaving India in 1960. She was very eager to know my plans for marriage, as I was getting older. I thought that she may be the right person to mediate the differences between me and my parents with respect to parental consent. I told her my story of becoming a Baha’i and what it meant to me, and how I had fallen in love with a Canadian nurse. I explained that I needed the consent of my parents for marriage according to the Baha’i law and that I have come to India to seek that consent and also give talks about the Baha’i Faith. She listened to me intently and was very understanding and sympathetic to my situation. She wondered aloud why my mother is still so orthodox in her beliefs. She comforted me by saying that she will make every effort to reach and persuade my parents when an opportunity arises. She then invited me to visit their place in Perambavoor on my way to Trivandrum.

Meeting with the Baha’i community of Trivandrum in Kerala was just as fulfilling as meeting the Baha’is of Chennai had been. On my way back I visited my aunt and uncle in Perambavoor and found that my uncle was also very understanding of my situation. I returned to New Delhi in late October to resume my journey around the world. While in New Delhi I spoke to Mr. Ramnik Shaw, the Secretary of the National Assembly of the Baha’is of India about Nana and my requests for parental consent.

My stay in Kaulalumpur was most memorable as I met with a vibrant Baha’i community the majority of whom were active youths of Malaysian, Indian, and Chinese origin. I traveled on to meet with Baha’i communities in Bangkok, Manila, and Tokyo, and this gave me a clear first-hand realization of the power of the Faith in fostering true unity. This round-the-world teaching trip deeply confirmed in me the fact that the primary effort of the Baha’is, wherever in the world they lived, was to promote and demonstrate the concept of the Oneness of Mankind.

Back to Montreal

When I returned to Montreal, and Ron and Shala Stee came to pick me up at the airport, and Nana came with them. I noticed that Nana had pierced her ears and had grown her hair longer. Needless to say we all regretted the failure of my mission to India. But we were both determined not to give up.

It was Nov 17th 1968 and I went back to my work exactly on the day I was required to do so.

Shortly after my return I began introducing Nana to my friends in the Baha’i community. Among them were Jan and Lorie Jan der Vliet and also Emeric and Rosemary Sala, an elderly couple who had just returned from serving the Baha’i Faith in their pioneering post in South Africa. We were often invited to their homes for dinner and we prayed together for the patience needed during this waiting period. I got to know Nana’s family members like her aunts Paulette and Alice and other close relatives living in the area. I went to midnight New Year’s mass, Christmas parties, and other family gatherings with her. Nana and I also traveled over a weekend to Ottawa to meet a couple I had known since coming to Toronto in 1965. She was French Canadian Michelle (same name as Nana) who was married to one Dr. Naren Saha, a Chemist from Calcutta, then employed in the National Lab in Ottawa as a researcher. I thought that this will be an wonderful opportunity for Nana to get to know a French Canadian married to an Indian. They also very much understood our situation. Nana by this time had improved her comprehension of the English language and so was becoming comfortable in English-speaking environments.

My friend Dr. Natarajan

Dr. Natarajan was a good friend and school mate of mine. Like me, he was a Tamilian Brahmin. I had met him earlier in Buffalo, and at he present time he was a chemistry professor at the University of Singapore. Early in that year of 1969 he came to Montreal on some business. I invited Nana to join myself and Dr. Natarajan for a dinner at my place in Ville St. Laurent. He came to know of our situation and the requirement for parental consent. We also took him to Chambly to meet Nana’s parents. During his stay in Montreal I inquired if it would be feasible for him to make a short trip from Singapore to Rourkela, a steel town in North India where my brother lived with my parents and sister. The trip was to tell them about his first hand-meeting with Nana in Montreal and persuade my parents to give consent to the marriage. He promised us to do this as soon as an opportunity arises. I very well remember his words to Nana. He told her not to worry, as he foresaw that one day his children and her children would be playing together. This actually happened in 1978 when we went as a family to Singapore and stayed with his wife Padma and her four girls. Unfortunately Dr. Natarajan was not there. He had passed away just a week before the day we arrived in Singapore.

The following month he actually made the trip to see my parents and spent a day or two consulting with them on the needed consent. My father was very polite and welcomed him as a guest but did not say a word about giving consent. Dr. Natarajan studied the situation closely and saw my twenty-six-year-old and yet unmarried sister Lalitha living with them. Usually girls in India are married around age twenty. His conclusion was that I will never get the consent for the marriage until my sister Lalitha gets married. If I married a western girl out of our caste, no one will marry Lalitha and our family will then be totally ostracized by the Brahmin community. He correctly surmised the situation and wrote in detail about it to me. He felt sure that once my sister got married there was a definite possibility of getting the consent for my marriage. This made us slightly hopeful.

During the three-year waiting period we made two trips together: the first was a ten day vacation to Prince Edward Island and Nova Scotia. We camped on the first night, but slept in separate tents. I remember well that Nana cooked curried green beans and rice for me at the campsite as our evening meal. We had booked a guest house in Princwe Edward Island that was recommended highly by my Ayerst colleague Dr. Morrey Givner. Here also we slept in separate rooms. We had a memorable adventure, and came back relaxed to Montreal.

The second was a trip to New York City where I was to attend a pharmaceutical conference. It was also a good occasion for Nana to meet her old nursing client “Kukulu” and her mother who had moved to North Plains, a suburb of New York. We flew into New York and after I checked into my conference hotel in Manhattan, we took the commuter train to Kukulu’s home where Nana would stay for the two days I would be at the conference. Two days later, Nana arrived back at the hotel in good shape, having taken the train all alone in that busy metropolis. We checked in at the Manhattan YMCA, again in separate rooms, and had two full exciting days of sight-seeing, including visits to the Empire State Building and Statue of Liberty plus a traditional ride in a horse-drawn carriage in Central Park. We also went to a movie named “The Out-of-Towners” starring Jack Lemmon. This was a roaring comedy of a couple visiting Manhattan for the first time, and having the worst of adventures. During these two trips I explained to Nana, whenever the occasion arose, the Baha’i stands on issues like baptism, confession, parental consent for marriage, premarital sex, abortion, and divorce.

We met often, although her work schedule rotated between the evening shift (4:00pm to midnight) and the night shift (midnight to 8:00am). Sometimes I would drop her at her work place after our evening dates, or take her Chinese fried rice from a restaurant called Jasmine which we used to frequent. Some evenings she cooked cabbage beef curry for me at her apt to break my day’s fast during the annual Baha’i fasting period. I also used to get calls every morning saying, “Raman, it is 7:20am. Get up and go to work punctually at 8:30am.” (In those days I was called “Raman” and not “Pattabi.”)

Nana asked if it is proper for her, as a non-Baha’i, to send a letter to the Universal House of Justice in Haifa, Israel, explaining our situation and see if they have any guidance on this matter. (The Universal House of Justice is the nine-member governing body of the Baha’i Faith, elected every five years by the Baha’is of the world.) I told her that anybody, whether Baha’i or not, can seek the guidance of this body on any matter. She then wrote a letter which went something like this:

“The parents of Pattabi Raman are not giving their consent for him to marry, primarily due to the fact that he became a Baha’i and changed his religion without their consent. Now they wonder why he should seek their permission for marriage? Can your Body can make an exception to this law, considering the fact that Pattabi is a mature man of thirty-eight years and can make his own decisions?”

Within few weeks she got a response from the Office of the Secretariat of the House of Justice which expressed the following ideas:

“We appreciate your letter regarding the requirement for parental consent from Pattabi’s parents for your marriage. Thank you for writing to us and we understand the situation clearly. The need for parental consent from all parents is the Baha’i law given by Baha’u’llah for this new age. An exemption for this law cannot be given by us. To solve this matter, however, it is for Pattabi to decide whether or not he should follow this law. We will pray for guidance.”

Of course, Nana knew the answer as to what I would do.

My Pilgrimage to the Holy Land

One of the requirements for a Baha’i is to undertake a Pilgrimage to visit the Holy Shrines in Haifa and Bhaji in Israel in their lifetime if they can afford to do so. This is where the tombs of The Bab and Baha’u’llah, the two Prophet-Founders of the Baha’i Faith are located. This Pilgrimage is primarily a very personal journey to pray and meditate and to spiritually refurbish oneself to serve mankind better. In 1967 I had applied for a Pilgrimage, and in July of 1970 I received the invitation to come to the Holy Land for a nine-day Pilgrimage. I was thrilled, and felt that the timing could not be better, at this difficult period of my life. There were thirty other Canadian Baha’is in the group, some of whom I knew personally. The group had already decided that following the Pilgrimage, they would travel on to Tehran, which is the birth place of the Faith, for a week. Needless to say, the Pilgrimage was a very spiritually energizing experience. I prayed fervently for the consent from my parents.

During this pilgrimage I met one Mr. Ray Johnson and his wife, LaNelma at the Pilgrim House. He was a doctoral student at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst and was returning home after a visit to the Baha’i School in Panchgani, Maharashtra, India to decide whether or not he could serve as the principal of that school.

On the seventh day of the Pilgrimage, all nine members of the Universal House of Justice met with the group of pilgrims, as is customary. Just as the meeting ended one of the members of the Universal House of Justice, Mr. Ali Nakhjavani, called my name and wanted a few minutes to talk to me. At first I was astounded by this call. Then he told me that two members of the House of Justice will meet with me in the Pilgrim House that afternoon regarding the parental consent for my marriage. With gasping breadth I wondered how on earth this personal and private issue of mine has come up to this level of the Institution. I went and met with the two members, Mr. Hushmand Fatheazam and Dr. David Ruhe. After initial prayers they told me that the House of Justice had received a report from Mr. Ramnik Shaw, the Secretary of the National Spiritual Assembly of India concerning an unproductive visit by Mr. Shaw and Mr. Vasudevan to my parents in Bangalore. This information was totally new to me. It seems that my father was very courteous and polite in welcoming them, but after hearing their request he very diplomatically said that the issue was between himself and his son, and requested them not to discuss the matter further.

Choked with tears, I thanked them for their concern for the insignificant personal issue of a single Baha’i amidst the far more important functions and responsibilities that the Body had worldwide. One of the members said that the House of Justice is also concerned about individual Baha’is and their spiritual welfare. The two members encouraged me to keep my firm stand. Then they advised that at the end of my Pilgrimage I should go to my parents in India, give them greetings from the House of Justice, and be with them for few days to talk about my experiences in the Holy Land. I should thank them for all that they have done for me, but never bring up the matter of the consent for marriage. I was dumbfounded at this suggestion, but I boldly asked if this was the idea of the two of them, or of the Universal House of Justice itself. If the latter, I needed an official letter of such advice. We then chatted for a few minutes and prayed before saying goodbye. The next morning around 10:00am I saw a letter addressed to me at the Pilgrim House from the Secretariat of the House of Justice confirming the advice. I could not be more grateful, and I immediately dropped my plans to go to Tehran with the pilgrimage group. I booked a flight to Bangalore (where my parents had moved to from Rourkela) and back to Tehran to rejoin the pilgrimage group for our return to Montreal. I called Nana at her Montreal apartment and conveyed the change of plans.

I had a wonderful visit with my parents. As admonished by the House of Justice I did not open my mouth about the marriage. My parents were very surprised and glad to see me after five years, but they surely must have been more surprised about my silence on the matter of consent. I flew to Tehran just in time to catch the booked group flight back to Montreal with the returning pilgrims.

Now it was the end of July 1970 and there was no good news about the consent, even after three serious attempts. Nana and I decided not to see each other and probably end the relationship. I distinctly remember telling her, “Michelle, you are a beautiful young lady and you don’t have to be conditioned by my belief system. It would be better for you if we do not see each other.” It was indeed a very painful decision, to which she agreed. I also met with her parents and informed them of this decision so that we can part as friends after all the moral support I got from them during the previous years. For the next five months, Nana and I did not talk or see each other. In this very painful period I kept to my prayers, not knowing what to do next. Prayers and Baha’i fellowship kept me alive.

On Christmas Eve, 1970, when people around me were happy and joyful forward for the Christmas and New Year season, I had an intense desire to see Nana again and know how she is coping with this joyful season. I broke my earlier determination not to see her and contemplated deeply as to how to reestablish the relationship. I first sent a bouquet of roses to her mother, Madame Guerard in Chambly for Christmas, then took a similar bouquet of roses and went to Nana’s apt in Montreal. She was surprised to see me after a long time, but let me in with no hesitation. I earnestly requested that we get back together and try once more, directly and determinedly, to get the consent. I also found that she had not gotten into any other relationship during our period of separation. After that, we met and talked over the phone as frequently as we could, and we spent the New Year’s Eve 1971 with her family. Then, on that Valentine’s Day, we met at the Baha’i shrine in Montreal and prayed in the room occupied by Abdu’l-Baha, the Center of the Covenant of the Baha’i Faith during his visit to Montreal in 1912. To show our determination to carry on the relationship and our commitment to secure the consent I gave her a friendship ring and she gave me a gold chain with a medallion inscribed with the symbol that Baha’is call “The Greatest Name.”

It was during this time that I was transferred from the chemistry lab to the biochemistry lab as a senior research biochemist to work on radioactive pharmaceuticals for clinical trials in animals. I also sold my Oldsmobile and bought a new Toyota Corolla, a newly introduced Japanese product.

In early June of 1971 Nana and I took a trip to Boston where I was to pick up a radioactive chemical from a lab in Boston that could not be shipped to Montreal. I thought this may be a good opportunity to go to the University of Massachusetts at Amherst and meet the renowned educator Professor Daniel Jordan, and consult with him on my long-desired plan to enter the field of Education. I suggested Nana to go with me on this trip and she gladly accepted. We drove to Boston, picked up the chemical, and went on to Amherst. We were gladly hosted by Ray Johnson and his wife LaNelma Johnson, the Baha’i couple I had met during my pilgrimage to the Holy Land and later during his visit to Montreal. They were aware of the fact that Nana and I were waiting for the parental consent for our marriage. Ray was still a graduate student at that time finishing his doctoral work.

My meeting with Professor Jordan was very productive. He articulated in ten minutes his vision for the future of education, which he was conceptualizing as the ANISA Model. He was looking for a scientific mind trained in biology or chemistry who is willing to join his team, as the ANISA Model placed a heavy emphasis on nutrition and the biological correlates of memory and motivation. He looked forward my joining the graduate program which would give me adequate knowledge of the social sciences like psychology, human development, and anthropology needed in his multidisciplinary project. He had just few weeks earlier received a sizeable grant from the New England Program for Teacher Education, and this grant would provide adequate finances including tuition. There was an immediate connection in this short but significant encounter with Dan and it seemed that the timing of this meeting was nothing but perfect. I told him of my pending commitment for marriage with Nana and that I am waiting for parental consent. Dan, also being a Baha’i, understood the situation. I said I can come to the project when I am ready.

Parental Consent

Shortly after this trip, in July of 1971, I received a letter from my father announcing the settlement of the marriage of my sister Lalitha in late August and inviting me to attend the function. They found a match for her that conformed to their criteria of suitability. And there was a very interesting concluding sentence stating that “…this may be also be a time for further consultation.” I joyfully booked my ticket with great hope, not knowing what he actually meant by “further consultation.” The wedding was held in Chennai and all the members of my immediate family were present.

Two days after the wedding we were all together after dinner. I asked my father, now that Lalitha is married, what was his position on consenting to my marriage with Nana. My sisters and few other family members were learning for the first time about my intent to get married to a French Canadian girl in Montreal and my need for parental consent to this marriage as I have become Baha’i. My next elder sister Muthulakshmi, with great spirit and passion shouted, “Dad, this brother of mine, most of us thought he was already married in America and we wondered if he had children. But now he is humbly asking you to give consent to his intended marriage, and you have not consented for a long time! I cannot understand this attitude of my parents!” My other sister also expressed a similar view, thus taking the wind out my father’s sail. After he was assured of the unanimous willingness of the family, he openly declared his consent, and my mother’s too, for the wedding. I was in tears so were my sisters. Immediately, while all the members of my family were still present, I asked my father if it is OK for me to dispatch an overnight telegram to Nana in Montreal about the consent for our marriage, to which he responded positively. It was late, about 10:00pm.

I walked to the Post and Telegraph Office and sent an urgent telegram to Nana informing her of the good news for which she must have been waiting so long since I left Montreal for my sister’s wedding. The following morning when things had calmed down, I suggested to my family that Nana will be glad to come to Chennai to get married if they agreed. My mother did not welcome this thought at all but encouraged fully an idea put forth by my sisters. They suggested that the family can send with me the traditional marriage silk sari, a matching blouse, a wedding ring, and a pair of brass lamps. That very day my sisters and went shopping to get these things.

I returned to Montreal on 20th of Sept 71 with the good news. Nana and I wasted no time in making the arrangements for the wedding. Two separate wedding ceremonies were to be held on the same day, one Baha’i and one Catholic. We had to locate a Catholic church with a liberal minister who would endorse a Baha’i wedding, in the same location, after the Catholic ceremony. Fortunately we were led to an open-minded Catholic priest, Rev. David Rene, who knew of the Baha’i Faith. We explained to him the scenario of a Baha’i wedding, which involves a simple uttering of the short Baha’i marriage vow in the presence of two witnesses. He fully cooperated with our plans and had no objection if the two ceremonies were held in his Chapel, one immediately after the other. His Church, St. Pascal’s, was located in the center of Montreal in Cote-des-Neiges. We fixed the marriage date for October 30th, just one day before my fortieth birthday as Nana “did not want to get married to a forty-year-old man.”

Severe Tests and Blessings

As a part of finalizing the wedding plans I met with my local Baha’i Assembly of Ville St. Laurent. I wanted to be sure they could officiate the ceremony as it would take place in a locality which was outside their jurisdiction. I also wanted to arrange for the timely issuance of the appropriate Baha’i Marriage Certificate. That is when I was asked to produce written consent from my father for the marriage. This blew my cool, although I remained composed. Nana was shocked and depressed on learning about this one more severe hurdle.

I knew full well that the Assembly was wrong in their request to produce a written consent. But as Baha’is we were told by Abdu’l-Baha, the exemplar of Baha’i ideals, that the Assembly’s decision should first be obeyed, even if they are wrong, and then the wrongs will be corrected. Here again one may disagree with their decision and can appeal for reconsideration. With Faith in this admonition I spoke to my Father regarding this written consent needed by the Assembly and requested him to send me a letter to satisfy the Assembly’s request. I quickly learned that he was not inclined to do this. “How come the Assembly does not have trust in your words?” he asked. I told him that it is essential to have the Assembly’s request. I did not want to raise a big argument at this stage even though they may be wrong. I prayed as if everything depends on God, but worked hard as if everything depends on me.

I waited for a day after this call and then consulted with other Baha’is. Mr. Jan van der Vliet, a very dear Baha’i friend whom Nana had known well, told me that the Assembly would be satisfied if a witness could vouch that the consent has been given. We planned a conference call to my father in Bangalore, just to thank him for giving his blessings for the marriage and requesting him to delegate Jan to sign as witness. It is the custom in the Indian culture for the parents, not the bride or groom, to invite the relatives and friends to the wedding. I requested his permission to make some wedding invitations with my parents’ name printed as the invitees. He was very glad to accept the requests from both of us. Mr. van der Vliet recorded this telephone conversation to substantiate as witness to the consent given.

I also consulted with Mr. Douglas Martin, the Secretary of the National Baha’i Assembly of Canada which has jurisdiction over the Local Assembly and can approve or disapprove the local Assembly’s decision according to Baha’i Administrative guidelines. He happened to be in Montreal, staying at the Baha’i Shrine. I told him about the Assembly’s request for written consent. He suggested that I again request the Local Assembly to reconsider. If they still stick to their previous decision he would bring the matter to the National Assembly.

I went to my Assembly on September 28th with a letter containing the following excerpts:

“Nowhere in the Baha’i writings there is a requirement for a written consent and to ask for a written consent was very clearly inappropriate under the circumstances. There was enough evidence on the part of my parents of their consent to my marriage in the truly traditional custom of sending for Michelle a wedding ring, a sari, and brass oil lamps as gifts for the wedding. Furthermore I have a formal letter of witness from Mr. van der Vliet, a believer living in Beacons Field, who participated in a conference call regarding my wedding with my father on September 23. In my opinion this constitutes adequate evidence of the parental consent. Since the arrangements for the wedding have been finalized I appeal to your body in great urgency to authorize the wedding which will be performed by Mr. Emeric Sala.” We also had the audio tape of the conference call with my parents for the Assembly to listen to if they needed, and Mr. van der Vliet and Nana were waiting in my apartment as I was consulting with the Assembly.

The Assembly requested that I step out of the room so that they could consult freely. Though I was the secretary of the Assembly with a right to be in the consultation, I accepted the request. As I was just about to get up, the telephone rang. It was a call to the Assembly Chairman saying I have received just then a call at my residence from Canadian Pacific. They had a cable addressed to me saying (to quote exactly) “Greetings. Consent and blessings already given for your marriage wishing happiness and bliss love Parents.” What a miracle! The meeting ended joyfully with reconciliation and thanks to God for this guidance. Although it was late in the evening I drove to the cable office to pick up the telegram and make it part of the Assembly’s official record.

Nana and I did not lose any further time. Fifty marriage invitations were printed, half for invitees in Montreal and the other half for my close family members with my parents name as the hosts. The honey moon was booked in Bermuda. I ordered my wedding suit and we bought a wedding ring that matched the friendship ring I had given Nana on the Valentine’s day. Nana consulted with Michelle Saha of Ottawa to inquire if she could attend the wedding and also help Nana in wearing the sari on the morning of the ceremony. She gladly agreed to this request and was there with Naren promptly on the wedding day morning. Mr. van der Vliet, who was to be the witnesses for the Baha’i ceremony, arranged to pick me up on the wedding day and get me to the church on time.

It was a sunny and beautiful autumn morning, and the wedding went off extremely well according to the choreographed scenario. I was emotionally choked and nearly burst into tears as I saw Nana walking with her father down the aisle dressed in a blue sari. The vows, both the Catholic and the Baha’i, were taken one after the other on the same podium. In the Catholic part, after we took our vows I put the ring on Nana’s finger and said, “I give you this ring as a token of my love and my fidelity.” In the Baha’i part we each said in succession, “We will all verily abide by the Will of God,” following which we both and the two witnesses signed the Baha’i marriage certificate. Mr. Emeric Sala made an exceptionally emotional and warm speech after the ceremony. There were a total of twenty-six guests which included Nana’s immediate relatives, plus my guests the Salas, the Sahas, my colleague Morrey Giver and his wife, the Stees, and my cousin Vasu, who lived then in Hamilton, Ontario. Four major Faiths were represented — Hindu, Catholic, Jewish, and Baha’i. Nana’s grandmother remarked it was one of the best weddings she ever attended. After the group photograph we reassembled at the previously arranged Chinese Restaurant for lunch. It was a joyful occasion Nana had arranged for a crocombush as the wedding cake. Raymond Flournoy, a very dear friend, played the guitar and sang with his two nephews. Nana’s brother-in-law Roger (husband of her sister Monique) drove us to the airport and there we were off for our honeymoon in Bermuda.