My life has not been a walk in the park. It has been more like a roller coaster ride. Dear readers, I have tried to give you an accurate and balanced perspective of my life, including the strengths and weaknesses in my character.

Being brought up by God-fearing parents in a loving community unmistakably set a pattern of feeling, acting, and thinking in my earliest years. The teachings of Vivekananda and the mission of The Ramakrishna School inspired me during my teen years. At the age of twenty-seven I became the first one in my family to come out of the cloistered South Indian Brahmin community, and today I can count twenty-eight members of my family clan who have settled in North America.

There was a yin-and-yang quality to my life, a sense of duality in being a citizen of both the USA and Canada, having advanced degrees in both the hard and soft sciences, with a mind set derived from both the Eastern and Western cultures.

In my spiritual quest, I found the Baha’i Faith as the culmination of all the prophecies foretold in the sacred books of all religions. This Faith opened a new world view for me and I would have joined any other Faith or movement that gave a brighter and better view. I realized that by becoming a Baha’i I have committed myself to lead a new way of life in conformity to the Teachings of the Faith, an unending life long process. I am in the process of becoming a true Baha’i. This Faith is in an embryonic stage now but it is the last resort for the civilization that is tottering and crumbling before our very eyes.

From my mentor Dr. Daniel Jordan I learned the art of eloquence, which served me well in my academic presentations as well as in public speaking. I have been able to address a wide range of audiences in many different cultural settings.

If I did not succeed in an endeavor the first time, I never gave up before exploring all other options. Having been born under the sign of Scorpio, I spent more energy than needed for even the simplest task. Many times, job interviewers thought me too qualified. They felt that I brought a machete to slice a cucumber. I was once introduced by an anti-intellectual as “a man with more degrees than a thermometer.”

Negotiating life in an atheistic academic culture was not easy. I never held a tenured position in a University, but I had a passion for teaching. I always encouraged my students to be independent thinkers, ready to embrace the coming paradigm shifts in their discipline.

I am an eternal optimist. Throughout my life, I have ventured and taken risks. Indeed, I have felt strongly that a positive orientation toward the unknown, or the unknowable, is the essence of faith. And I am greatly thankful to my creator for all the blessings showered upon me.

But it is a truism, and one which is always mentioned by biographers, that one has clear 20/20 vision in their hindsight. In retrospect, I can clearly see that many of the important decisions I made in my life were based on my courage and convictions as a Baha’i. Several others, I must admit, were based on ignorance, male ego, a psychological blindness to some realities in life, and early cultural influences which were deeply ingrained at the subconscious level. I have been able to swim out of the pool of these influences only on some issues. I have not applied Baha’i principles fully across the board in all aspects of my life as I should have, specifically the process of consultation with Nana. It is inconceivable to me now, that I could have been so totally insensitive to the feelings of loneliness when I left Nana alone with the kids on several occasions. I’m thinking of Panchgani, India, during the terrible monsoon weather in a remote hill station away from human contact except for our domestic helper Nandabai.

But most particularly I’m thinking of that remote wooded residence in Shutesbury, Massachusetts. As I mentioned in the preface to this letter, I am grateful to Nana for closely examining this text to ensure its accuracy and clarity. This was challenging since we did not always remember the events in the same way or treat them with equal importance. A stark example of this is my decision of going to Amherst. In fact after our trip to Massachusetts to meet Dan Jordan in April, 1971, I got an admission letter to his program. I responded to him saying that I would not be able to make any decision that fall as my impending marriage was being delayed by a frustrating and long wait for the consent of my parents. I would be able to come only when I was ready. I swear by God, I thought that this communication was not so important to be shared with Nana at that time. From what I knew of Nana I had the firm conviction and belief that Nana’s love for me and her commitment to our long-awaited marriage would be unconditional, irrespective of the direction my professional life and other events was going to take us. This was my conviction while we exchanged the friendship ring and the medallion at the Baha’i shrine in Montreal on Valentine’s day in 1971. This was an inexcusable and colossal blunder in my naive thinking, as I did not realize the profound impact this change of events would have on her life. To the contrary, later on in our life, Nana told me several times (and I quote her verbatim) “I thought I was marrying a well-educated man with a stable job at a well-reputed laboratory that would bring the stability and financial security that our future family would expect with such an education.” When I look back at all she would be leaving behind (her profession, her family, her friends, her French language), this was a misrepresentation of the reality she was soon to be facing. Alas what a difference in our respective perception.

Nana had great intuition on many occasions and I wish I had listened to her. This would have saved us a lot of hardship and frustration, and thus brought our relationship closer to the “fortress of wellbeing” envisioned in the Baha’i writings.

I was tireless in my pursuits for intellectual and spiritual development, but I lacked foresight in financial planning. Ultimately, my pecuniary rewards were pitifully disproportionate to my numerous publications, and to the academic placards and degrees hanging on the walls of my office. I did not give my family the financial security that should be expected from such a qualified professional. An Indian astrologer would say this is because of the positioning of Jupiter in relation to Uranus in my horoscope. I say that’s a lot of bull. I was the maker of my own destiny. As the old adage says, “As you sow, so shall you reap.”

And now to my beloved grandchildren, I say this:
It has been a joy to seeing you born and grow up before my own eyes. You in evoke in me a spiritual attitude of turning a blind eyed to shortcomings, giving only unconditional, non-judgmental love, and trusting always in your untapped potential.

–Thatha